I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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