My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
