At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
