So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
