i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
