my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
