sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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