This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
