Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me I should be a condom model.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
