how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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