I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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