My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
