i don't like sucking hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
