Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
