I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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