tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
