i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
