I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
