y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
