I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
