I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
