'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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