Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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