SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
