can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
