rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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