who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
