I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
