Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
