apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
