His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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