So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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