i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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