He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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