So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
