I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
