my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i out mim tonsoeep
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
