Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
and you fell through a lawn chair
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
