Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
