i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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