Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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