I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
