Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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