it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
