didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
