just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
