i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
