you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
