What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
