goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
