Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
