Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
