Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
