Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
