Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
